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  • Writer's pictureDorie Joy

Stepping Away

Letting go of who we are..

How do we make a change? In life there are things we do, or habits we have - frankly, just pieces or parts of our personality… that perhaps are unkind, selfish or just plainly don’t work within a relationship that we are in (romantic, parent/child, friendship). How do we facilitate the change beyond just the desire to change? How do we become more self-aware, and truly make an adjustment to ourselves that make those that we are engaging with really notice and feel heard by this effort towards change?

I am bossy. I have been bossy for as long as I can remember. I am very much type A, I like things done my way, and I will tell you so. Over and over. The thing about me is I don’t really expect you to listen, but in my delivery, you’d never know this. I say stuff, direct people and suggest (strongly) things happen a certain way but I am perfectly fine if they do not. In fact, if you say, ‘I got this’, ‘go away bossy-pants’, ‘eff-off’, etc., I will back down and be on my merry way… the problem with this is I am placing the onus of my flaw on the others in my life. I have been struggling lately with how to work on letting go of my ways and grow by either altering how I approach things or learning to basically stfu with the things that do not matter in the grand scheme.

These are the things that I strive to work on during my meditation and asana practice. I work towards being the best version of myself, and I mean it… but I feel like I so easily lose sight. It is like how most of us find thanks during thanksgiving and then slowly forget. Or when we hear about something terrible that someone close to us is going through, make a mental note that those things that put us in a tizzy are inconsequential, and only days later that reminder we once felt so deeply is part of the past and we quickly pick back up the habits of old. I strive to find this balance of knowing what is important, acting the way I desire and giving myself grace when I slip.

Don’t give up

So, how do we continually grow? What is the measure of success, failure and/or how do we know when we have made the strides we are looking to attain? Most importantly, when do we let go of the notion that we can’t change because ‘we have been this way all our lives…’? I can recall saying, ‘I have always been like this, just don’t take it personal’. Or, ‘it’s not you, this is just how I am..’ that reminds me of when I want to effort towards making a change to my diet, dropping something that doesn’t suit me, knowing that I would feel/sleep/wake so much better if only I put the effort in and regardless of how deeply I know this to be true I make excuses, rationalize and put off until tomorrow.

We are all a work in progress

My point? Life is a practice, not a perfect. Just like yoga. Some days are effortless, and we show up the way we set out, and some days we lose our focus or balance or simply just don’t have the energy we had the day before. Relationships take work. All of them. Communication is like the breath in our asana practice where finding a cadence that suits our movements, getting to the place where our body, mind and spirit are in synch with our breathwork takes effort and the destination has evidence of effort and ease.

What is it that you are working on in order to find growth? Are you the type of person who makes change easily and works with complete focus until you feel you have reached the goal? Or do you find yourself lazy in efforts and rather wishing that you could just flip a switch and skip the work? Maybe even saying ‘eff it’, this is how I am and if they don’t like it….

This week I challenge myself to take notice. I want to say less, observe myself more and spend time sitting each day either to journal or meditate and see if I can make a continued effort towards my goal. I will effort towards this goal off my mat and remind myself of this work on my mat as I move through each posture.

Do hard things. It is worth the effort.

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